Feeling Invisible?
Steps to Visibility
Aging has plenty of advantages. We don’t usually hear about them, as the disadvantages are always forced upon us. Wrinkles and achy parts, retirement without a place to land, and money issues plague most of us.
I talk a lot here on Substack about the advantages we’re discovering as we age, though, and that’s my preferred conversation.
But one huge disadvantage of getting older is when we suddenly find ourselves invisible. Redundant. Unnecessary.
In The Wonderful Wizard of Oz by L. Frank Baum, the Wizard says to Dorothy, “I am everywhere…but to the eyes of the common mortals I am invisible.”
Where once we were younger and seen, and we could kick butt all the way down the street to get things done, we now need to walk up and kick someone in the shin to get attention. And it makes me so damned crazy.
To common mortals we are invisible.
Need help reaching that item on the top shelf? Trying to get the salesperson to help us when there’s someone pretty posing nearby? Is the doctor even LISTENING when we talk, or just updating odds and ends in his computer? Have an opinion? Who cares!
Someone asks for input on your topic of expertise, but doesn’t even listen when you offer real information or make eye contact.
When we are invisible, our views and knowledge are not valued. Our experience holds no weight. We are minimized and diminished by a younger society and by men of all ages.
Words like senior minimize us. When people say, “How adorable!” or “Aren’t you cute?” it makes us small. Like a puppy. Cute, but that’s the whole of our value. We are invisible.
There was a news story recently about an 87-year-old man who was actively engaged in his community. Really doing some cool stuff. The newscasters called him adorable.
But he wasn’t adorable. Not at all! He was sharp, funny, and relevant and didn’t warrant a pat on the head like a child.
Before we get all pissed and go ballistic, there are approaches we can use to be seen, get assistance, and even earn respect.
Contributing to the conversation, mentoring, storytelling, and creating community around a goal or topic all offer strong strategies for being seen again. And asking questions is a terrific way of becoming visible.
EXAMPLES: “I was a graphic designer and worked on thousands of newsletters; I’d love to help you with this project.”
“I’m a writer, and have written loads of copy for catalogs; may I make a suggestion?”
“I create handmade books; I’d like to offer a class through your organization. Shall we discuss the details?”
“I can rally my friends together to help with this women’s march. We’re great at making posters!”
So before I kick someone in the shin, I’m going to work on engaging with them. I really like mentoring and storytelling.
How do you deal with being invisible?
Hello, I’m Michelle McKenzie! Thank you for reading my words—it means a lot to me!
I’m a writer and spiritual coach living in Northern California with my husband and three dogs.
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If this reflection spoke to you, I’d love to hear what your body has been whispering lately.
With warmth,
Michelle
I just turned 64 and am definitely feeling this. However, I'm so excited to be sharing my life as an artist now, it's where I can express myself and share my thoughts and feelings with other artists WHERE WE ARE ALL ON THE SAME LEVEL. When it comes to art, we are all on same, no competition 🌟
All very good points. Mostly, I’ve played duck and cover for years because I didn’t want to intimidate other moms. BC, I was an advertising copywriter which means I wrote and also produced print and broadcast pieces for clients. Believe it or not, it’s still hard for me to ‘come out of the closet’ which is where my portfolio and awards live. (There, I said it). Don’t know if that’s ‘cute’ or not(and I hated it when clients/AE’s called me ‘cute’ back then) certainly don’t want to be called that now.